she's 13!!! she's hit that age where she's trying on a million different hats to see which one fits right. i went through it and my parents and i both survived, thank goodness!
i remember being that age and vowing to myself that i would always remember so i wouldn't be as hard on my kids as my parents were on me!! well, i think my parents did the right thing or else i would have turned into a hoodlum!
i don't think your daughter needs spanked. she's old enough to talk to. a tap on the butt when she was younger was a way to get a point across to someone who you couldn't communicate with very well.
i do however think that she could use some discipline and understanding that YOU and DAD are the parents...you guys still get to decide what she can and can't do. if she threatens to call the school or other authorities, then call her bluff! you're not doing anything wrong, you are raising your child. she is using that as leverage to get her way and it's scaring you into giving it to you.
if i would have told my mom that i was going to call the cops on her she would have told me to go ahead, but call the ambulance first because there was going to be a dead kid in her house!! (i borrowed that from a comedian) but it's totally how my mom would have reacted. my parents were the bosses of their house, not my grandparents or us.
if your mom wants to get involved in how you raise your kids then have your daughter stay with her for a while. see what she says to that one! my guess is that she will graciously decline and then you can graciously ask her to butt out when it comes to raising your kids unless you ask for her guidance.
as for how to get your daughter to straigten out. ground her, but seriously ground her. no phone, no friends over, no going to friend's houses, no tv, no computer (unless for school and you need to monitor). do this for about 1 month. i may have been allowed tv, but only certain times, i think. i ended up reading A LOT! that's what my parents did for me when i was getting to big for my britches (about age 14 or 15) and it helped. i got out of the crowd i was hanging out with. i realized that i can't push them around and i learned how to communicate with them like an adult if i wanted to talk. if i started yelling and flying off the handle they'd jsut sit there and let me look like an idiot. they wouldn't give in to my antagonizing. i learned that if i wanted to talk i had to be in control and learn how to verbalize my feelings, then my parents were all ears.
i still call my mom every couple of days just to say ';hi'; b/c i live about 10 hours away. if they wouldn't have brought in the reigns i would have been out of control.
fortunately my brother and sister were a lot more tolerable than me and they only had to deal with one hellrasier!Any advice for a teen that is really mouthy?Please?I'm at my wits end!?
i don't know if you'll get this, but watch the personal computer if it's in your daughter's room. i watched an epsiode of Oprah that dug into the pron industry and it all starts in kid's bedrooms. via the internet, webcam and computer.please be on the lookout!!
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You need to get thinks under control before it goes any further. You take things away from her and tell her when she start behaving she will get them back.
:-# )
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Don't get her any thing until she start to cooperate. She will eventually catch on that when she behaves she will get those thing she wants. Lot of luck. And stick to what ever you do. The both of you and your husband. And I would tell my mother to butt out.
CHUCK
:-# )
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counseling is the thing you need for both the girls. Your mother is nosey and needs to mind her own business. I noticed you mentioned the word ';BEG';. Wrong thing to do with kids. Tell your girls if they want to be heard and respected they need to give you the same as they want. I havae a 11 year old and she would never talk like that to me. never. She knows that gets her nowhere in life. It starts when they are younger and grows with them over time. It is good you know that you are not abusive because I doubt you are but the oldest needs to learn respect now or the hard cold world is going to swollow her up in about six or less years. Give respect and get it is the deal tell her. Do not give her extras when she asks as far as material things unless she can show she is respectful period! If you give in to her threats or verbal abuse she will only continue to use CPS against you and that is not kool. Tell her to stop crying wolf for one day noone will be there to listen to her........good luck.
There is a lot of good advice here. One final piece of advice I can give is call their bluff. They want to call child services, give them the phone. When they realize they have no control over you, they'll learn to respect your authority. My son said he was going to leave because I was too strict. I said OK, I'll pack your suitcase. I had him out the door, and 5 minutes later the door bell rang and he said he was sorry and wouldn't do that again.
He never pulls stunts with his father, because he knows his father will not put up with it.
What's your husband doing to help you out?
First thing is You absolutely have to stick to the level and duration of punishment you threaten. Not doing so loses their respect.
Next: Here is what kids need by law:
Food, water, Shelter, Schooling, and Clothing (not new or stylish).
Everything else is what I like to call. leverage.
Now that the kids have cried wolf to CYS you got them right where you want them. Let them cry. As long as you fullfil the state requirments you are safe and they are aware your daughters are in need of discipline.
well maybe something is bothering her and she is doing that to make her feel better so you should have a talk with her and if she continues to do that then you should call the police and tell them to take her away to an other house!
My 12 year old daughter was a lot bigger than me and she used to beat me when she didn't get her way. I let the school counselors and the police know the problems I was having with her so she couldn't tell them any stories in anger and revenge for discipline.
I advise you to get her into counseling, make the school counselors aware of the situation before she gets to them, and pray.....)(
First ground her for longer and longer times each time she starts in. If that doesnt work takeaway all her privlages (dating, friends, t.v. ect.).and im sorry but that is all i have that was all that my mom had to do to get me to shut up.
Age-13
If you have the means, family counseling...or SuperNanny. Otherwise, do NOT let either child get away with doing things wrong. Discipline by rewards and punishment...if your 12 year old keeps yelling and mouthing off to you, tell her to go to her room and/or take away something she is normally priveliged to (i.e. cell phone, t.v., video game, internet). If she does something you agree with after apologizing for what she did wrong, then give her some sort of reward...let her earn back what she's lost. Ask yourself...';Why does grounding her not work?...Am I being too lenient or not approaching this situation where I am in control? How is she thinking?';
ALWAYS stay in control...you're the parent, she's the child.
DO NOT BUDGE on issues that are important.
Share your burden with a close friend that you trust.
TALK with your children about what is happening...always be honest with why you do not agree with them, why you feel the way you do, why you believe the behavior should stop, and why you are doing what you are doing to discipline them.
SPANKING is risky, and most professionals do not believe this type of punishment should be used because it is showing violence.
IF you suspect that your children are in any danger, consult a professional...at school, at your religious group/church, talk to any role models...be involved with the people that ALSO take care of your children.
As a special needs foster parent for 16+ years, and a natural mother as well...
Make a rules sheet for the household. Put on this sheet specific consequences for each infraction. This does not mean that if it is not there it doesn't get a consequence- you should have a statement on this list that indicates that. Each consequence has to be strictly adhered to, no matter how many times she apologizes afterward or changes her ways. If you chose not to follow with corporal punishment (what she really needs and believe me children's services would not do anything if you truly spanked her in love and did not leave bruises, I know, I have been there with my own kids too). Bottom line pick and chose your battles - some will be easier to let go than others. When you chose a ';fight'; follow through on the consequence. The list should have a statement for not following through as well on your daughters' parts, in other words inaction begets additional consequences. It is harder on the parents during this time in their lives but by following through and being consistent you will shape the boundaries that will set their future. This is for your out of control daughter as well as the one that is up and coming. Consequences for talking back, consequences for manipulativeness, etc. As you get this started there is always another list that qualifies for rewards that is a must as well. Rewards for treating each other nice, rewards for good language. You can give points and have a point chart that allows rewards for reaching different levels. Rewards don't have to be expensive...they can be as easy as taking one daughter out for dinner by herself, taking her to a movie she choses (PG or less), etc. These charts always worked well for me and believe me there were times when all else went out the door and the police were involved too. That is not bad to do when you have a child who is willfully disobeying and potentially at risk. Go for it mom, be proactive and take charge of your household. BOTTOM LINE - Prayer changes everything! I get on my knees daily.
Another thing to think about....all of the things your daughter has, i.e., cell phone, those are things that should be taken away. Make her start over and ';earn'; the right to have them. There is nothing better than a natural consequence of property, children want their possessions
She wants to act like a grown up treat her like one. Stop cooking meals for her, stop washing her clothes, stop cleaning her room, stop giving her an allowance, stop doing ANYTHING for her except the bare minimum. If she needs a ride to her girlfriends house or to the mall to hang out, tell her to take a bus. When she needs new shoes, don't buy her the ones every other kid is wearing, take her to Kmart and get her some converse fish heads.Does she have a TV and stereo in her room? Take it back, tell her you are selling it to buy her clothes with the money.Eventually she's going to get the point that being a smartass little punk isnt going to work.
I have a 14 year old daughter, we just found out this past few months that she is Bipolar, sound a lot like what you are going threw, get some counseling and have it checked out, keep a journal on daily life in your home and bring it with you when you go to talk with a counselor. It is easy to forget once you are in there, believe me it does work, but hang in there, it is not over night
Call Super Nanny. ...Personally, I would never let my child speak to me that way and let her get away with it.Strip her room of everything and take the sheets off her bed as well.and put her in it.If I had to I would physically make her stay there until she showed respect for you and you other daughter.
Get her some counseling. She has some issues.
You need to nip this right away. Forget grounding. Instead, take away privileges like the phone or computer or whatever is important to her. Tell her privileges will return only when the good behavior returns. Also tell her to go ahead and get the school counselor involved. That's not a threat, the counselor is there to help. She is only 13. You must get control back fast and stick to your guns because if you don't you are guaranteed to fail.
AS the mom of 8 from the ages of 21-42 I can tell you that we have gone through it all. If she becomes physically abusive CALL THE POLICE!!!!! Maybe a little while in juvenile hall or a foster home would teach her a little about what a great home and mom she has. If you think this sounds extreme just look at what she is doing to your peace in the home- AND- you have another one learning from her right now. Good luck! Gerrie
well some thing can b botherin her or she needs some one to take it out on.ur gurl sounds like she needs conseling or a speacial treatmant program ur not inthe wrong today kids have no respected at all u need to talk to the school an see what they saggest.or since she is actin this way see if she can live with a famely member that u know that will give her the tought love treatment i got it an i grew up dont think this is ur fault an thier is nothin wrong with a whip from the belt cause we got it
Soap!!! Lots and lots of soap!!!
hi. i'm 11. i'm the same way.talk 2 her about it to see what is going on with her(my guardians to me its me hormonds or something like that)then if u find out her problem send her to her counslers(like my guardians did to me)it helped alot!! maybe even tell her to tell u all her fellings or to write them down. u need 2 be more strict with her.older to and i get smacked with a belt and hands and stuff like that.threaten her right back (like ur going to take things away.do meaner things to them maybe take their phone so they don't call their grandma.
I am with sshazamm and kaitbratz21. Call the cops. let them deal with her. when i was 9 (im 10 now, lol) i cried forever and refused and resisted a LOT from doing my homework and my mom called da fuzz (cops :P) they didnt do anything though, but when she called the cops i was scared as poop. I did my homework after that (grrrrr...). The other thing that sshazamm said, about the ';minimum requirements';, that would be a good thing to do.
It is best if you take her to the psycologist. Perhaps she is having trouble with people in school, or something happened that she can't tell you but she blames you. This way you can know what is happening, an solve the problem.
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